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Cryptic Enough?

Today I felt so genuinely beautiful and loved I didn't know what to do with myself. I told someone about all the people and things that tramp around in my head with what I generally find to be worrisome amounts of detail and they didn't give me a weird look or launch into how I needed help with that. Their face didn't click over to the standard "I am dealing with a psycho" and tell me I should seek medical attention immediately and ask about when I last took my medication. I was told I was fine. Fine! It didn't even stop the conversation. The conversation continued onto socks.

I still feel like there's a rule in the universe, a sub clause of Murphy's law that states "anything that Diana can fuck up, will be fucked up". And I know I'm a pretty gullible and naive person. But today there is what I consider to be a fairly large chance that someone genuinely thought I was fine, with all my cards out on the table face up with my thousand dollar bet for the taking. It's like they looked at the bet, looked at me, frowned at their own cards even though they had the winning hand, said "Fold", then pushed back my money to me with a big smile.

I will try to be as clear sighted as possible in order not to fuck this up by living TOO much in the clouds, but even if I do there is this lovely delicious moment in the space time continuum where I felt more cared for, healthy and downright great than I have in a startlingly long time.

By the way, the Doctor just said, "Well, I'm glad that's sorted then. You know, it's quite lovely living in this head of yours."

"You must feel trapped sometimes. It's not the whole of the universe. It's one brain, one person."

"Yes, but it's bigger on the inside."

Which I think is pretty hokey but he looks so pleased with his little joke that I don't want to say anything to spoil his feeling of cleverness.

In the messed up way of the universe, I actually feel more realistic after this conversation. I'm on a lovely high and actually think I might be able to feel and care for real people again. Maybe I'm bipolar. No no, I am fine. Fine. Fine!!!!!


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jun. 4th, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Diana, you are definitely fine, and also not a weirdo or abnormal. So there.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


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